Losing the Dalton Mask
by scrapmom
Summary: What was Blaine thinking? Wouldn't we all like to know? This is my take on his thoughts and what should have happened. This is set during the Blame it on the Alcohol episode. This starts immediately after Kurt and Blaine's fight and Blaine gets up and walks out.
1. Chapter 1

A/N Hello! So, I've been inspired to write more about my new favorite couple, Kurt and Blaine. Yes, I came late to the Glee party, but thanks to Netflix was able to catch up quickly. I am now a huge fan and Kurt and Blaine have become my OTP!

This fic is set during season 2, in the Blame it on the Alcohol episode. This starts immediately after Kurt and Blaine's fight and Blaine gets up and walks out. This is broken into two parts, just so you don't think I left you all hanging!

I hope you enjoy!

What's wrong with me? What the hell was I thinking? Who am I trying to impress? I'm such an idiot. What have I done?

These are the many thoughts going through his head when he walked out of the coffee shop. He and Kurt had just had a fight, and he was pissed, until he walked outside and felt the cold air hit his face, smacking him back to reality. Had he just lost his best friend? Over a girl. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Sure, the kiss with Rachel was nice, and it had felt good, but what did he have to compare it to? He'd told Kurt that he'd never had a boyfriend, but he'd also never kissed anyone before either. So yea, it had felt nice. Did he see fireworks, no. Which is probably because she is a girl, you idiot, he heard Kurt's voice in his head say.

He reached his car then and slammed the door hard from frustration. He turned the radio up as loud as possible, to drown out anymore unwelcome voices and drove home. By the time he arrived, his head was pounding because of the music, and definitely not because of the stray tears that had escaped on the way.

He gathered himself together enough to say a polite hello to his parents, before heading up to his room. He stopped in the kitchen to grab a snack, putting his bag down on the chair, and snagged a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Once in his room, he laid back on the bed and covered his eyes with his arm, willing himself not to cry.

He didn't understand what he was feeling. There was an aching in his chest, and he had no idea what it meant. He'd felt something similar on Valentine's Day, after he and Kurt had talked. It was like a part of him was missing, but that didn't make any sense. What the hell? He groaned out loud, and jumped when his door swung open, revealing his dad holding his cell phone.

He sat up quickly. "Dad," he said, looking at the phone and back to his dad, who was smiling.

"Blaine, I found this on the floor by the bar. As I was picking it up, you received a text from Rachel. She says she'll be ready tomorrow at 7:00. Have you been hiding a girlfriend from your father?" He asked, clearly pleased. His dad was less than accepting of the fact that his only son was gay, and used any excuse to convince him otherwise. Shit, this wasn't going to help his cause.

"Rachel's just a friend, dad. We are going to see a movie tomorrow night, and that's all. It's not even a date, really." He replied, not sounding too convinced himself.

"Well, I think it's great, Blaine. We should have her over for dinner. I'll talk to your mother." He handed the phone to Blaine and was out the door before the boy could blink.

Ugh, he was beyond frustrated. He's just given his dad hope, and Kurt's words came back to him full force, 'I know what it's like to be in the closet, and here you are about to tip toe back in.' When he agreed to go out with Rachel, it seemed like a good idea, but now, with his dad's excitement and Kurt's anger, he wasn't so sure.

But, being the gentleman he was, he couldn't back out now, so he decided to just go with it and see what happened. He got up off the bed and headed to the shower. No matter what happened during the day, he always ended this night with a shower. He'd started that tradition when he became a student at Dalton. Mr Polished, with all his hair gel and dapper ways, was all washed away at the end of the night when he showered.

Honestly, it was the only time he felt like himself. That was until he met Kurt. Sure, at Dalton he'd been popular. Lead vocalist of the Warlber's, and friends with the council didn't hurt, but that was Blaine with his Dalton mask. He knew he'd lost a bit of himself by transferring, but the alternative was not an option.

It wasn't until he'd met Kurt that day on the stairs, that he felt the familiar ache to be just Blaine again. He felt an instant connection with the boy, and after hearing his story, Blaine knew he had to befriend him. What he began to realize, though, was Kurt was helping Blaine just as much as he was helping Kurt.

Being around Kurt allowed Blaine to finally be himself again. When the two of them hung out over coffee, chatting about the new issue of Vogue, or their favorite musical, it felt as though they had always been friends. It felt so natural to talk to him, touch him. Blaine is a very physical person, but he's always held himself back, because he didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

But with Kurt, it just felt right. I mean, come on, how many people grab a strangers hand and lead them down an empty hallway? And then serenade said stranger through song? Blaine didn't even realize he was doing it, and now, looking back, he wondered how he'd missed everything.

When Kurt had told him on Valentine's Day that he thought he was going to ask Kurt out, that should have been an eye opener, but Blaine, being Blaine, didn't allow himself to dwell on it. Now, thinking back on the last 24 hours and his fight with Kurt, it was all he could think about.

Was it possible that he was bi? Did he really have feelings for Rachel, or was it just because he was drunk, like Kurt said? Seriously, could he not have a conversation with himself without thinking of Kurt? Apparently not. And what does that tell you, the voice in his head asked.

"Shut up!" He yelled, the sound startling him, as he didn't realized he'd said it out loud. He finished up his shower, just throwing on a t-shirt and boxers, and slid into bed, trying to keep his mind off of Kurt.

And he was successful until he drifted off. In his dreams, Kurt came to him, as he often did. Just ghosting by, looking like an angel. Sometimes he'd sing, but most often he'd just gaze at him with those beautiful blue eyes, and dream Blaine would get lost in their depths.

He woke up the next morning twisted up in his sheets, a subtle reminder of his restless night. There were bags under his eyes, and they were red and bloodshot. Great, he thought. Just what I need.

Knowing he didn't want to run into Kurt looking like death warmed over, he consciously avoided all the areas he knew Kurt would be. It wasn't weird for a guy to have his best friends schedule memorized, right?

He actually made it through the day without a Kurt sighting, and headed back to his room to hide. God, when did his life turn into this? He had two hours before he was supposed to meet Rachel and he didn't plan to leave his room until then, so he sat down at his desk and began working on his English paper that wasn't due until Friday.

The date with Rachel went well. He'd had fun, reciting the words to the movie with her. She was very handsy, which bothered him a little, surprisingly enough. He certainly didn't mind when Kurt touched him, which was usually by accident, but that didn't mean anything, right? He also got the feeling that she wanted a goodnight kiss, but just the thought of that sent his stomach into a tailspin.

After his nightly shower, he laid in bed again, staring at the ceiling, thinking about anything but his best friend. Who was he kidding? That's all he thought about. While he was at the movies and their was a particularly funny scene, he would think, 'oh, kurt would love that.' He was actually embarrassed to think about the sheer number of times he thought about Kurt during his so called date with Rachel.

Yep, he was an idiot. Not only had he led Rachel on, but he'd possibly lost his best friend in the process. He needed to fix this, but he wasn't sure how. He rolled over in bed and looked at the clock, wishing he could fall asleep.

He must have, because the next thing he remembers is Wes banging on his door, yelling about missing breakfast and he'd better not miss his first class. Shit. Blaine jumped up and dressed quickly, not even taking the time to gel his hair.

He was able to avoid Kurt for yet another day, and was fairly pleased with himself, even though it felt like there was a black hole in his chest that was getting bigger with each moment he didn't see Kurt. Oh my God, he was a fucking mess.

He decided that he needed some normalcy, so he headed to the coffee shop at his usual time. He was not, by any circumstance, hoping to see Kurt, though. As he approached the line he was met by a forceful Rachel, who attacked him with a kiss.

It was then that he really understood. He was gay, and he had been so stupid to think otherwise. He was never drinking again. And come to think of it, he was never kissing a girl again either. Ugh. After thanking Rachel for opening his eyes, he excused himself to the restroom. He was shaking when he got there and splashed cold water on his face to calm himself down.

Wow, he really was stupid. What did Kurt see in him? Oh God...it hit him then. He had a major epiphany right there in the bathroom of a coffee shop. He had been leading Kurt on for so long. And now it was all clear, and he knew he had to talk to Kurt again, and soon.

How could he have treated Kurt like that? From the very beginning, he knew his relationship with Kurt was different, but standing there, under the soft white light in the bathroom, he realized why. He had been falling for Kurt all along, but because of his lack of experience and total stupidity, he didn't realize it. Now it was all so clear. It was always Kurt. Oh my God, he really needed to talk to him.

He left the bathroom hoping Kurt would somehow be there, but knowing deep down he wouldn't be. As he was getting into his car to head back to campus, his cell rang. It was his father. He answered, because you never ignored a call from dad.

"Hello."

"Blaine, it's your father."

Blaine laughed quietly, because he always felt like he had to tell Blaine who it was. Even with caller ID, he still announced himself.

"Hi dad. What's up?"

"Well, you mother and I want you to invite your girlfriend over for dinner tonight. We don't want you to hide her away from us any longer."

Blaine's hand froze in mid-air as he was putting the keys in the ignition. Shit. His dad totally got the wrong idea. Even though he told him last night that he and Rachel were friends. He had to hold back a sob. He thought his dad had finally accepted him for who he was. The last few years, he'd stopped trying to do father-son bonding things with him, and he'd also stopped asking about girls. Fuck, what had he done.

"Blaine, are you there?" His dad asked. Apparently he'd been lost in his head longer than he thought.

"Uh yea, I'm here, sorry." He stuttered. God, he hated sounding like that, especially with his dad.

"So, what do you say? Dinner, tonight? Your mom is making her famous pot roast."

"You mean the cook is making a pot roast?" He huffed, pissed at himself as much as his father.

"Blaine."

"Sorry. Listen, I'm on my way home now. We need to have a talk. You, me and mom."

"What is this about, Blaine?" His father asked, clearly not wanting to wait.

"I'll be home in a few minutes, dad. I'll explain everything then." He sighed and hung up the phone. Instead of plugging in his ipod, he opted for silence, dreading his second talk with his parents about his sexuality. Hopefully the second time around they are a lot more understanding, but he seriously doubts it. Especially after he gave his dad hope that he was dating a girl.

When Blaine arrived home, he sat in the car for a few moments, gathering his courage, before walking through the front doors and into what he hoped wasn't World War III.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N So, here's the second and final part of Losing the Dalton Mask. This is the first fic I've written completely from Blaine's point of view. I hope I captured his character and personality. **

**FYI...there are two parts in italics. The first one is Blaine's flashback and the second, a song. **

**Thanks for reading! **

After his talk with the parents, he barely made it back to the car before losing it. Sobs wracked his body so hard he had to hold on to the steering wheel to keep himself grounded. He knew he shouldn't drive, but he also knew he couldn't stay in the driveway, so he composed himself enough to drive a few blocks until he found an empty parking lot. He turned off the car and let it all out.

Once he felt calm enough to speak, he dialed the one number that he knew would either fix him or break him completely.

Everyone who knew the two boys thought it was Blaine who was holding all the cards, and could crush Kurt with one wave of the hand. What they don't understand is that Kurt is the strong one. Blaine is just a boy who was lost until he found Kurt. Who was he kidding? It was Kurt that found him, and he is thankful everyday that he did.

And now, sitting in his car in an empty parking lot is vulnerable Blaine, making possibly the most important phone call of his life. Because if Kurt rejects him, he's done. He dials and it goes straight to voicemail.

Knowing its probably a mistake, he leaves a message. His voice rough and scratchy from his crying fit earlier, he opens his mouth and starts to speak.

"Kurt," his name comes out sounding like a bark. "I know you are probably still mad and don't want to see me, but" he pauses to take in a shaky breath, tears once again pouring down his face. "I - I n-need you.". He sobbed, willing his voice to cooperate for just another minute. "P - please. I'll be in the back garden. God, I'm so sorry." He disconnected the call and cried again. It was as if all the emotions he'd held inside these last few years were coming out all at once, and was powerless to stop them.

After what seemed like hours but in reality was only a few minutes, he pulled himself together enough to drive back to Dalton. He took his phone, which had been conspicuously silent, and grabbed a blanket from the back of his car. He liked to sit in the garden during the spring and fall, and always kept a blanket on hand so his uniform stayed clean and dry.

He bi-passed the dorms and went straight for the garden, knowing that he would break down again if someone asked him what was wrong. It was almost dark, and the temperature had dropped, but Blaine couldn't feel the cold. He'd felt nothing but numbness since his fight with Kurt.

God, he was pathetic. All the times he spent being with Kurt, talking, laughing, singing, just being goofy, and it took him kissing a girl to realize what was right in front of him. It was Kurt. It had always been Kurt. He was just too blind to see. And poor Kurt, what he must have been feeling, standing on the sidelines while he made a fool of himself over and over. But Kurt never judged, and he was always there, supporting him in whatever mess he made. God, he'd been such a fool. He just prayed it wasn't too late.

When he arrived at their spot (that's always what he called it in his head, because Kurt would end up sitting with him when he came out here), he looked around for a sign that Kurt might be waiting, and was disappointed when he realized he was alone.

With that thought, more tears began to come, and he blindly lay the blanket down before completely losing it again. He sat with his legs pulled up, head resting on his knees, and let the tears come again.

He was so wrapped up in his sadness that he didn't hear Kurt approach and sit next to him on the blanket, so when he felt a hand on his back, he jerked up, startled. He took one look at Kurt, his savior, and launched himself at the other boy, throwing his arms around him and burying his face in Kurt's neck.

He felt Kurt's arm slip around him an pull him closer, and he sobbed, his wet tears sticking him to Kurt. He breathed in the scent of the boy who held his heart and he finally felt whole. This is what he needed. Kurt, holding him, soothing him, never letting him go.

When his sobs quieted, he realized Kurt was rubbing his back and had one hand in his hair, running through his curls. He had gone gel-less today, and he couldn't be more glad. He wanted Kurt to rub his head forever. Then, he realized that Kurt was whispering to him. He tried to focus on what he was saying, but with Kurt rubbing his head, he was having a hard time concentrating.

Finally, his fuzzy head cleared a bit, and he was able to hear Kurt voice, speaking softly into his ear. "Shhh, its ok. I'm here, baby. It's ok. I'm not leaving, ok? Shhh..." These words were just repeated on a continuous cycle, and all Blaine could focus on was Kurt's warm breath on his ear, and the fact that Kurt had called him baby. Oh my God, maybe he wasn't too late after all.

Blaine took a shaky breath and pulled back slightly, not wanting to lose contact with Kurt, but knowing they needed to talk. Kurt felt the movement and sensed Blaine's hesitation. Having the same reservations, Kurt pulled back just enough to allow Blaine to make the final decision, and was pleased when he kept felt Blaine slide his arms down his to grasp his hands.

Both boys looked up at the same time, and Kurt was blown away by the emotion in Blaine's eyes. His eyes were expressive all the time, but Blaine kept a handle on how much he allowed people to see. But this, wow, it was like he was looking into his soul.

They just stared at each other for a few moment's, neither wanting to be the first to talk. Blaine decided he should start and took a deep breath before beginning. "Kurt," he was only able to get out his name before the tears welled up in his eyes again. He blinked them back quickly, and hurried on. "I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. I'm an idiot and I - I don't know what I was thinking."

Kurt looked at him with confusion, before asking, "What are you sorry for? I don't want to assume anything anymore, so please explain. And please tell me what has made you so upset? Your message scared me, Blaine. I've never heard you like that, and I was so scared."

Blaine gripped Kurt's hands tighter and looked down at them, wondering how he was going to explain everything he was feeling. He felt bad for scaring Kurt, but he was also scared. Scared that he had screwed up so bad that he'd lost his best friend. He sniffed, and looked up at Kurt who was waiting patiently for him to continue.

"Kurt, I'm sorry for everything. For taking you for granted, for leading you on, for making you watch as I made a fool out of myself more than once, for not seeming to care about your feelings, for yelling at you, for walking out on you, for kissing Rachel, for thinking I was..." he stopped, the words stuck in his throat. "I'm mostly sorry that I almost lost my best friend. I didn't lose you, did I?" He asked softly, looking at Kurt through tears.

"You're my best friend too, Blaine, and you're not going to lose me over a simple fight. But I'm sorry too, I was hurt and angry and had no right to say those things to you."

"You had every right to say those things. Kurt, our relationship works because we are always honest with each other. I never want that to change, ok?" Tears welled up in his eyes again, threatening to spill over, and he took a deep breath before continuing. "Not talking to you these last two days has been torture. I can't tell you how many times I picked up my phone to call or text you, then remembered we were fighting."

"Me too," came the soft reply. "Are you ready to talk about why you called me and left a message that aged me almost ten years?" His subtle humor made Blaine smile a little, and that was one of the things he loved most about Kurt. How he could lighten up any situation, no matter how grim.

Oh my God. That was it. It was as clear as day to him now. He was in love with Kurt. Wow. How could he have missed that? All the time they spent together, all their movie marathons, late night calls and texts, even though they were in the same building. Right now, gazing into those beautiful blue eyes, he couldn't believe he'd been so blind.

He needed to tell Kurt, but first, he had to explain what happened to lead him to this moment. So he took a deep breath, and dove in.

_Blaine walked into his house, with dread. This was going to suck. It was like he was coming out all over again. Ok, so he was. How could he have let things get so screwed up? And he was angry with himself for allowing this to happen. He knew his dad was hoping one day Blaine would just 'get over' being gay, but he had hoped that with all the time that had passed, his father was more accepting of who he was. And he had to go and screw everything up by thinking he was interested in a girl. Stupid alcohol._

_When he entered the formal living room, he saw his parents and stopped momentarily. Putting his shoulders back, he took a deep breath and put on his Dalton mask before stepping forward to face the music._

_"Blaine, honey." His mom got up and greeted him with a hug. "It's good to see you on a school night."_

_"Hi mom," Blaine replied, returning the hug and stepping back._

_"Your dad tells me you have a girlfriend." She said excitedly, not waiting a moment on small talk._

_"Actually, that's why I'm here." He said, getting ready to give the speech he'd prepared on the drive over._

_"Oh honey," his mom cut in, "I do hope you invited her to dinner. Your father said he told you we couldn't wait to meet her."_

_"Mom," he said a little forcefully to get her attention. It worked and she stopped talking and sat back down. "Now that I have both of your attention, please let me talk without interruptions, ok?"_

_Both parents looked at him concerned, but nodded._

_"I do not have a girlfriend. Last night was not a date. Ok, maybe it was, sort of, but that's not the point. Rachel is just a friend. Mom, dad, I'm gay, remember?" He refrained from telling them about his minor sexuality confusion the day before. He didn't need to confuse them anymore._

_"But Blaine, are you sure? If you are willing to go one one date, why not two or three? Just invite her over for dinner, and we can see what happens." His dad said._

_"Dad, you aren't listening to me. I am not interested in girls. I am gay. I like boys, actually I love boys. The way the look, the way the smell..."_

_"Enough! I don't want to hear about your faggy fantasies. I thought you'd finally come to your senses and started dating the right sex, and now we are back to square one. Dammit, Blaine." He slammed his hand down on the table, spilling his drink that had rested their previously._

_Blaine just stood there, shocked at his fathers actions and words. He looked at his mother with pleading eyes, and she just looked away, embarrassed. He refused to let them see him cry, so he held tight to that Dalton mask, turned around and left his house._

By the time Blaine got to the end of his story, the tears were back in full force and Kurt leaned forward and took Blaine into his arms once again, rocking him, rubbing his back, and soothing him with beautiful words.

So they sat there, in the dark, holding each other, each gaining strength from the other. Eventually, they ended up on their backs, staring at the stars, their hands intertwined between them. It was then that Blaine began to sing softly,

_We'll do it all_

_Everything_

_On our own_

_We don't need_

_Anything_

_Or anyone_

_If I lay here_

_If I just lay here_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

Blaine shifted on his side to look at Kurt. Kurt felt this, and moved too, to face Blaine.

_I don't quite know_

_How to say_

_How I feel_

_Those three words_

_Are said too much_

_They're not enough_

He brought his free hand up and brushed his fingers against Kurt's cheek, and heard his sudden intake of breath. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe he still had feelings for Blaine.

_If lay here_

_If I just lay here_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

_Forget what we're told_

_Before we get too old_

_Show me a garden that's bursting into life_

_Let's waste time_

_Chasing cars_

_Around our heads_

_I need your grace_

_To remind me_

_To find my own_

He could see Kurt's eyes tearing up, and knew he understood that Blaine was singing this to him, for him, for them.

_If I lay here_

_If I just lay here_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

_Forget what we're told_

_Before we get too old_

_Show me a garden that's bursting into life_

He made sure to keep his hand firmly on Kurt's cheek, not allowing him to look away as he sang the next words.

_All that I am_

_All that I ever was_

_Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see_

_I don't know where_

_Confused about how as well_

_Just know that these things will never change for us at all_

_If I lay here_

_If I just lay here_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

The last words were whispered against Kurt's lips, as he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the beautiful boy laying beside him. Before he could pull back, Kurt had leaned in and attached their lips once again, this time, the kiss was not as soft, but just as chaste.

But it wasn't enough for either boy, and they found themselves pressed together from chest to knees, their legs intertwined and their mouths exploring each other. Blaine was on fire. He had no idea it could be like this. Holy shit, if he'd have know that kissing Kurt felt like this, he'd have done it that first day, there on the staircase.

He snaked his tongue out, testing, and felt Kurt open up, allowing him access to his warm, wonderful mouth, and he was lost. All brain function ceased when he felt Kurt's tongue hesitantly move forward and touch his, and he moved his hand to the back of Kurt's head, angling his jaw to get better access.

Oh all things holy, he was in heaven. He couldn't imagine ever doing anything else. He was willing to give up everything, forgo sleeping and eating, as long as he could continue to feast on Kurt's amazing mouth. Unfortunately, all good things come to an end, and they pulled away reluctantly, breathing hard, resting their foreheads together, happy to be sharing the same space.

"I hope it's not too soon, but I have to say this. I love you, Kurt, and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to realize it." He whispered, his warm breath ghosting over Kurt's lips.

"Oh Blaine, it's not too soon, because I love you too. So much." Kurt replied quietly, leaning forward to capture Blaine's lips in a searing kiss. The two boys lay there, under the stars deep into the night, kissing and whispering loving words to each other. Both knew something amazing had happened that night, and that both their lives had changed forever. And they were more than ok with that.

**A/N The song Baline sings is Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. If you haven't heard it, go check it out. It's amazing! **


End file.
